Blog

Since being a recent newlywed (and someone who was divorced), I have found myself asking friends who have been married for over 25 years what has contributed to their long, healthy marriages. While some of the answers were cute and maybe a little glib (i.e. “always say, ‘yes dear,’" or “have separate bathrooms”), one answer stood out as the best ingredient to a successful marriage. My friend said, “Do the work on yourself to be the best human you can be.” While difficult marriages might benefit from couples counseling, the individuals who are willing to reflect on their own strengths and weaknesses and how that affects the dynamic of their partnership have the best chance of enduring decades of peaks and valleys, or, as we like to say, “oys and joys.”

In our Jewish calendar we are in the time between Pesach and Shavuot. Pesach marks our liberation from bondage, Shavuot celebrates the gift of Torah. The 7 weeks in between, the counting of days known as the Counting of the Omer, is a time when we are supposed to ready ourselves for the gift of Torah. To be in relationship with our most sacred text puts the onus on us to be honest with ourselves, reflect on our shortcomings and be intentional about improving our habits, our interactions and our ability to live in humility and gratitude. This self-work allows us to fully enjoy and appreciate our partner, whether a romantic partner, a friend, or our Jewish teachings and traditions.

All relationships are only as strong as the strength of the individuals who are in them. I hope that this season inspires us to look inward that we may be better humans out in the world and in all the relationships that are important to us.

Shabbat shalom,

Beth